I would like to say that I am a very independent girl in many aspects of my life. However, I know when I need to lean on someone for help. I HATE having to lean on things, though. One example is my dependence on medication that has happened in the year or so. Don't get me wrong, I'm not addicted to anything. I don't get shaky and bitchy if I don't get my "fix." My headaches just come back with severe vengeance if I don't stay on my drugs. I was really hoping that when my doctor put me on these medications back in January, I wouldn't become dependent on them. Unfortunately I have, and this was very evident when I accidentally left my medications at my parents house after I got back from my trip to Canada. The two weeks that I was without my medications were filled with a constant headache from hell, but in the two days since I've been back on my medications, my headache has been dulled to a slight annoyance.
My dependence on my medications makes me feel weak. I hate having to depend on pills to get through the day. They interrupt my schedule. I can't just get up in the morning, I have to get up, make sure I have water, take my 4.5 pills, and then go about my day. I can't just fall asleep at someone's house anymore, I have to make sure I take my pills with me or I wake up with my head splitting in two the next morning. These pills make me feel old, like I've lost the care-free lifestyle I lead before. Let alone the side effects they give me. I feel like I have morning sickness 24/7. I'm glad they help the headaches, I just really wish that I could get off them already, or take less or them, or find another combination that gave me fewer side effects. And don't even get me started about trying to have children down the road. My doctor flat out told me he wants me to stay on birth control as long as possible so that I don't have kids on these medications because they'll cause too many problems for me and the baby, if the baby survives. Woohoo putting poison in my body! /sarcasm
I guess this is my rant for the day, I'll try to post something happier next time. Maybe something wedding related yes?
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