Update

Hello friends,
I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written. I wrote about a week and a half ago that I have been going through some personal stuff. Well, on Tuesday I went to the doctors and kind of found out what's been going on.

Warning, this post involves girly things like ovaries so if you're not comfortable discussing these things, I'd leave. 

Anyways, this whole thing started when I skipped my period for 3 months, the last one being the last week of May. When I skipped it in June, I took a pregnancy test (or three) but they all came back negative. Again, I skipped in July and August, both times taking pregnancy tests. I took 7 all together throughout the three months which all came back negative.

After we got back from our honeymoon, I decided it was time to talk to a doctor about what was going on. I hadn't done so before because a) I was planning a wedding and b) I had to wait to get on Keegan's insurance just in case there was something seriously wrong. I didn't want to be denied for having a previous condition.

Anyways, I made an appointment with an OB/GYN here in town, one that was suggested by one of Keegan's co-workers (I'm sure that was an awkward conversation for him. I love him for doing it, though.) I saw Dr. B on Tuesday and we went through what had been going on. After about 2 hours of questions and my first ever "well woman" exam (which wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. I still wouldn't want to do it every day, but it's not as bad as a lot of people make it out to be,) Dr. B pre-diagnosed me with PCOS and metabolic syndrome.

I had heard of PCOS before, but I never even considered it a possibility because I haven't had problems with painful cysts, but after talking to my doctor, I have a lot of the symptoms. Unusual hair growth (Hyperandrogenism), excessive weight gain (I thought that just happened because I stopped swimming competitively,) and skipped periods (I had never had a problem with this before, but we think its because I was on birth control which made my body cycle each month.)

I went yesterday to get some blood tests done which will measure my insulin levels and confirm a diagnoses of PCOS. I also have an appointment on the 18th to have an ultrasound to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries. My has doctor put me on a 12 day medication that will hopefully force my body to cycle.

I'm not going to lie, this came as quite a shock to me. The biggest shock of all was that PCOS causes infertility. I've always wanted to be a mom and now the idea of not being able to (or at least struggling to) is scary. Instead of going on some kind of hormone treatment to balance everything out, my heart wants to start trying to get pregnant right now just in case it takes years. My brain however, sees this as illogical. It's not like just trying something to see if you can or can't do it. If us trying to get pregnant works the first time around, we have a baby. Another life dependent on us, not even a year after getting married. I'm not sure if we're ready for a baby. I know I want one (as does Keegan) eventually. I don't think right now is the right time. I just have to keep reminding myself of this even though my heart wants otherwise.

There have been a lot of emotions and questions running through me since Tuesday. First of all, it was relief that it wasn't something as serious as cancer. Next was fear. Will I ever be able to have a baby? How intense is my PCOS? If I can't have a baby, what are we going to do? Is it worth talking about that now? What treatments will I have to go through to get a grip on this? I feel bad. I know that this isn't my fault, but I can't help but think my body has let Keegan and I down. Will we ever be able to have a family? We've always talked about adoption so is it a good idea to start that process?

I struggled with the idea of writing this post. Did I really want information about my lady bits on the internet? Ultimately I decided to write this in hopes that I will get some feedback, tips, and stories from other women who have been dealt the same hand. I also hope that sometime down the line I will be able to help someone else who has just started their journey.

So that's what's been going on lately. When I went into my doctor's appointment, I had everything from cancer to pregnancy to a hormone imbalance running through my head. I never once thought that it would be PCOS. I've extremely lucky that it's not something life threatening like cancer. However, this has turned my world upside down so it will probably take a bit of time to wrap my head around it all. For now, I'm just trying to educate myself on treatments and what the road to pregnancy will look like down the line. Hopefully my appointment on the 18th will yield some answers and we can figure out a game plan.