Blech

I've been thinking about writing this post for a few days now but haven't because its full of complaining. I hate to complain, especially to others, but this is part of my journey and something I want to remember. Hopefully getting it all out on paper (computer) will help me not complain to Keegan as much because I'm sure he's sick of me by now.

In a nutshell, the medication I'm on right now is horrible. When I first started reading the side effects, I wasn't too concerned. Normally side effects from meds don't effect me, but this is a whole 'nother show.

Since starting this medication on September 4 (last Tuesday,) I've been a big ball of aches, pains, headaches, nausea, tiredness, heartburn and emotions. If I didn't know for a fact that I wasn't pregnant, I would swear up and down that I am.

I'm a night owl through and through, but lately I've been going to bed at 9 or earlier when I'm normally hitting the sack at 10 or 11. Last night, after camping on the couch since coming home, I asked Keegan if we could go lie down at 8. 8:00!Going to bed that early is unheard of from me unless I'm sick or have been up for two days straight (oh those college all nighters.)

I'm barely eating throughout the day because I'm constantly nauseous and have horrible heart burn. Today, however, I'm starving. Probably because all I've eaten the last week is toast and a few pieces of pizza. I ran to Kroger (Gerbes) on my way to work and picked up some croissants and raspberries, the only things I could imagine making myself eat.

I've had a headache every day since starting this medication. I mentioned to my doctor that I was worried about going on anything because my headaches have been so infrequent since going off all of my medication in January, and now I know I was right. Pain meds have done nothing to help the pounding in my head and neither has sleep.

I've also had regular cramps and sporadic sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I'm sure it's just my ovaries complaining but it's no fun.

Overall, I just feel like a big ball of worthlessness. I had numerous plans for dinners this week, but I haven't wanted to make (or eat) any of them so we've been grabbing food on the way home or Keegan is left to fend for himself. I feel absolutely horrible that I haven't been able to feed him after he's worked a 14 hour day. The house is a mess which I feel bad about because we've been having one of Keegan's co-workers stay with us for the last 3 weeks and I just hate having my house be a disaster when we have company.

I can't wait until  I'm done with this medication on Sunday. Then (hopefully) comes the cycle I've been waiting on for 4 months. I'm sure it'll be a doosy and I'll be complaining about cramps and such next week. I see my doctor on Tuesday (the 18th) and I'm going to mention to him all the side effects I've been having. If his plan was to put me on something similar for the foreseeable future, I'm seriously considering just letting nature do its thing and we get pregnant when (if) we get pregnant.

Last night while Keegan and I were watching T.V., I just started crying. I was feeling so sick and tired that it overwhelmed me. I think my biggest problem is I don't like not feeling in control of my body. Everything that normally helps my headaches and any pains I have isn't working now so I'm at a total loss on how to make myself feel better. I don't like not being in control of my emotions and what my body is doing so all of these pains, feelings and side effects scare me. If I don't know why they're happening, I don't know how to treat them or when they're bad enough to call my doctor about. I guess I'm just scared.

That's really all for now. This weekend is going to consist of us driving up to Tupelo to get my oil changed, and a lot, a lot of relaxing. As much as I normally want to get out and so stuff on the weekends, I'm sure I'll be too exhausted and nauseous to do much of anything. The only bright side is we're thinking of maybe getting a dog. We'll see if that works out or now.

Sorry for the lame update, folks. Hopefully I'll be back on Tuesday with an update from my doctor.