New Look

Surprise!

I've had the itch to change this place up for a while now, but I couldn't quite figure out what I wanted to do. If you've been around here these last couple of days, you've probably noticed small things changing. Since we were pretty slow at work today, I just decided to bite the bullet and make the change. I toyed with the idea of making a new blog entirely, but I didn't want to lose the all of the posts I've made so far. Hopefully this layout is more user friendly and a little easier on the eyes. If anything doesn't look quite right, just tell me and I'll try to fix it. It's my first time making my own background and customizing everything so I'm sure there are some bugs.

My Ovaries Are Fat Kids That Love Cake

So after my last *ahem* slightly depressing and complaining filled last post, I'm back with an update from the doctor.

After meeting with Dr. B this morning, it's official. I have metabolic syndrome with causes the PCOS. I didn't get exact numbers, but my insulin is lower than it should be. In a nutshell, my body doesn't have any problems producing insulin (like diabetics,) but my tissues are not able to absorb the insulin my body is producing. The PCOS is my ovaries' response to not being able to absorb the insulin.

So, treatment. Dr. B put me on Glucophage (which is apparently been changed to Metformin according to Google) which will force my body's tissues to absorb the insulin it needs. I'm also now on birth control (Mircette) to get my body into a regular cycle. It's a special kind that has 21 days of BC, 2 days of placebo pills and 5 days of straight estrogen. Dr. B says that hopefully this kind won't trigger my headaches to start up again. I'm also on a multi vitamin.

Along with the drugs comes a whole new lifestyle change. I have to basically act like I'm diabetic which means that carbs and sugars are now the enemy. I have a meeting with a dietitian who will help me start eating a high protein, low carb diet. Goody goody gumdrops (or not, since gumdrops are sugar.) If you know me at all, you know that breads and candy are my two favorite food groups. Not the healthiest, but the truth. Now I'm on the hunt for lunch options that will fit this new diet of mine. I'm pretty picky about my meat consumption (I was basically vegetarian up until I was like 17) so I need to find lunch options that don't take a lot of preparation and are still appetizing after sitting in the work fridge / my bag all morning. I don't like sea food or lunch meats (or really sandwiches in general,) I've never had a hot dog (and I don't want to try one) and I'm not a huge fan of pork at all. So unless I suddenly am able to cook steaks every day for lunch, I feel like my options are limited. Investigating I must go.

Hand in hand with my new spiffy diet comes a workout plan. My doctor wants me to work out 30 minutes a day 5 days a week. Obviously since it's 7:45, I'm blogging and haven't eaten dinner yet, working out isn't happening today. Working out has never been a favorite past time of mine, so I need to find something I enjoy and am able to stick with. I was getting up in the mornings and doing the 30 Day Shred with Jillian Michaels before the wedding, but I value my sleep too much to get up at the buttcrack of dawn. If I work out at night, I always come up with a million excuses why I I'm too busy to put in the 30 minutes. I'm thinking that I need to join a class or two at the Y. Something that will make me accountable and I'll feel bad about missing. One reason being on the swim team worked so well for me was I didn't want to get in trouble for skipping practice, so I just went. I need to find something like that again. A real life Jillian, perhaps.

After explaining all of this to me, Dr. B said that if I stick with this plan (and him) for at least a year, our chances of conceiving "naturally" increase. Normally, once a couple starts actively trying to get pregnant, my doctor will give them a year before recommending medical interventions. Those can be anywhere from medication to IVF. Keegan and I decided we'll probably want to start trying about this time next year, so hopefully this new lifestyle plan will prepare my body for that.

Overall, I'm feeling *ok.* Of course, this isn't the worst thing ever, it'll just take a while to get used to. I love baking cookies on the weekend and having Keegan take most of them to work, but now, if I can't have cookies, no one gets cookies. Hopefully the guys don't mind too much. I hope that the dietitian is able to give me some suggestions on things to make for lunches. They've always been hard for me to plan out which means that I fall back on fast food more that I should. Since I'm the one that normally makes dinner, Keegan is going on this diet with me. Again, if I can't have mashed potatoes, he can't either. I'm just mean like that. I'm hoping that just the change in diet, plus the medications will make the weight fall off easier than it has before and I won't need to work out *as* much. Wishful thinking, I'm sure.

But really, the medications should make it easier for me to lose weight. I always wondered why I never saw changes when I cut out small things like soda or started working out 3 times a week like other women did. I realize that everyone's body is different, but I've heard so many women say they lost 5 pounds just cutting out soda and I never did. This kind of explains it all now. It also explains why, even when I was swimming 5 hours a day, I never was really as skinny as other girls on my team. Because of the metabolic syndrome, it takes a lot more for my body to lose weight.

So that's basically the update. As soon as I meet with the dietitian, I'll be starting this life overhaul. Until then, since I don't really know what I'm allowed to eat, I'm just going to continue on normally. We're going to Missouri this weekend and there's no way I'm missing out on Shakespeare's pizza or El Rancho's nachos. I'm sorry future babies, but momma loves her some nachos.

Blech

I've been thinking about writing this post for a few days now but haven't because its full of complaining. I hate to complain, especially to others, but this is part of my journey and something I want to remember. Hopefully getting it all out on paper (computer) will help me not complain to Keegan as much because I'm sure he's sick of me by now.

In a nutshell, the medication I'm on right now is horrible. When I first started reading the side effects, I wasn't too concerned. Normally side effects from meds don't effect me, but this is a whole 'nother show.

Since starting this medication on September 4 (last Tuesday,) I've been a big ball of aches, pains, headaches, nausea, tiredness, heartburn and emotions. If I didn't know for a fact that I wasn't pregnant, I would swear up and down that I am.

I'm a night owl through and through, but lately I've been going to bed at 9 or earlier when I'm normally hitting the sack at 10 or 11. Last night, after camping on the couch since coming home, I asked Keegan if we could go lie down at 8. 8:00!Going to bed that early is unheard of from me unless I'm sick or have been up for two days straight (oh those college all nighters.)

I'm barely eating throughout the day because I'm constantly nauseous and have horrible heart burn. Today, however, I'm starving. Probably because all I've eaten the last week is toast and a few pieces of pizza. I ran to Kroger (Gerbes) on my way to work and picked up some croissants and raspberries, the only things I could imagine making myself eat.

I've had a headache every day since starting this medication. I mentioned to my doctor that I was worried about going on anything because my headaches have been so infrequent since going off all of my medication in January, and now I know I was right. Pain meds have done nothing to help the pounding in my head and neither has sleep.

I've also had regular cramps and sporadic sharp pains in my lower abdomen. I'm sure it's just my ovaries complaining but it's no fun.

Overall, I just feel like a big ball of worthlessness. I had numerous plans for dinners this week, but I haven't wanted to make (or eat) any of them so we've been grabbing food on the way home or Keegan is left to fend for himself. I feel absolutely horrible that I haven't been able to feed him after he's worked a 14 hour day. The house is a mess which I feel bad about because we've been having one of Keegan's co-workers stay with us for the last 3 weeks and I just hate having my house be a disaster when we have company.

I can't wait until  I'm done with this medication on Sunday. Then (hopefully) comes the cycle I've been waiting on for 4 months. I'm sure it'll be a doosy and I'll be complaining about cramps and such next week. I see my doctor on Tuesday (the 18th) and I'm going to mention to him all the side effects I've been having. If his plan was to put me on something similar for the foreseeable future, I'm seriously considering just letting nature do its thing and we get pregnant when (if) we get pregnant.

Last night while Keegan and I were watching T.V., I just started crying. I was feeling so sick and tired that it overwhelmed me. I think my biggest problem is I don't like not feeling in control of my body. Everything that normally helps my headaches and any pains I have isn't working now so I'm at a total loss on how to make myself feel better. I don't like not being in control of my emotions and what my body is doing so all of these pains, feelings and side effects scare me. If I don't know why they're happening, I don't know how to treat them or when they're bad enough to call my doctor about. I guess I'm just scared.

That's really all for now. This weekend is going to consist of us driving up to Tupelo to get my oil changed, and a lot, a lot of relaxing. As much as I normally want to get out and so stuff on the weekends, I'm sure I'll be too exhausted and nauseous to do much of anything. The only bright side is we're thinking of maybe getting a dog. We'll see if that works out or now.

Sorry for the lame update, folks. Hopefully I'll be back on Tuesday with an update from my doctor.

Update

Hello friends,
I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written. I wrote about a week and a half ago that I have been going through some personal stuff. Well, on Tuesday I went to the doctors and kind of found out what's been going on.

Warning, this post involves girly things like ovaries so if you're not comfortable discussing these things, I'd leave. 

Anyways, this whole thing started when I skipped my period for 3 months, the last one being the last week of May. When I skipped it in June, I took a pregnancy test (or three) but they all came back negative. Again, I skipped in July and August, both times taking pregnancy tests. I took 7 all together throughout the three months which all came back negative.

After we got back from our honeymoon, I decided it was time to talk to a doctor about what was going on. I hadn't done so before because a) I was planning a wedding and b) I had to wait to get on Keegan's insurance just in case there was something seriously wrong. I didn't want to be denied for having a previous condition.

Anyways, I made an appointment with an OB/GYN here in town, one that was suggested by one of Keegan's co-workers (I'm sure that was an awkward conversation for him. I love him for doing it, though.) I saw Dr. B on Tuesday and we went through what had been going on. After about 2 hours of questions and my first ever "well woman" exam (which wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. I still wouldn't want to do it every day, but it's not as bad as a lot of people make it out to be,) Dr. B pre-diagnosed me with PCOS and metabolic syndrome.

I had heard of PCOS before, but I never even considered it a possibility because I haven't had problems with painful cysts, but after talking to my doctor, I have a lot of the symptoms. Unusual hair growth (Hyperandrogenism), excessive weight gain (I thought that just happened because I stopped swimming competitively,) and skipped periods (I had never had a problem with this before, but we think its because I was on birth control which made my body cycle each month.)

I went yesterday to get some blood tests done which will measure my insulin levels and confirm a diagnoses of PCOS. I also have an appointment on the 18th to have an ultrasound to see if I have any cysts on my ovaries. My has doctor put me on a 12 day medication that will hopefully force my body to cycle.

I'm not going to lie, this came as quite a shock to me. The biggest shock of all was that PCOS causes infertility. I've always wanted to be a mom and now the idea of not being able to (or at least struggling to) is scary. Instead of going on some kind of hormone treatment to balance everything out, my heart wants to start trying to get pregnant right now just in case it takes years. My brain however, sees this as illogical. It's not like just trying something to see if you can or can't do it. If us trying to get pregnant works the first time around, we have a baby. Another life dependent on us, not even a year after getting married. I'm not sure if we're ready for a baby. I know I want one (as does Keegan) eventually. I don't think right now is the right time. I just have to keep reminding myself of this even though my heart wants otherwise.

There have been a lot of emotions and questions running through me since Tuesday. First of all, it was relief that it wasn't something as serious as cancer. Next was fear. Will I ever be able to have a baby? How intense is my PCOS? If I can't have a baby, what are we going to do? Is it worth talking about that now? What treatments will I have to go through to get a grip on this? I feel bad. I know that this isn't my fault, but I can't help but think my body has let Keegan and I down. Will we ever be able to have a family? We've always talked about adoption so is it a good idea to start that process?

I struggled with the idea of writing this post. Did I really want information about my lady bits on the internet? Ultimately I decided to write this in hopes that I will get some feedback, tips, and stories from other women who have been dealt the same hand. I also hope that sometime down the line I will be able to help someone else who has just started their journey.

So that's what's been going on lately. When I went into my doctor's appointment, I had everything from cancer to pregnancy to a hormone imbalance running through my head. I never once thought that it would be PCOS. I've extremely lucky that it's not something life threatening like cancer. However, this has turned my world upside down so it will probably take a bit of time to wrap my head around it all. For now, I'm just trying to educate myself on treatments and what the road to pregnancy will look like down the line. Hopefully my appointment on the 18th will yield some answers and we can figure out a game plan.